Dear Tess,
I've been feeling weird again lately. It's hard to describe how I feel, but it's just not "normal." I find myself feeling very lost since graduating and constantly wondering- what defines a person? What defines a life well spent? How must one tread this steep path of existence without a map to find their way?
Ya know, I often preach truths and consider myself endowed with certain answers to the mystical journey of satisfying existence, however I cannot seem to reach them. I do not know how to acquire the results I seek, yet I believe with every fiber of my being that I have been given the equations to get there. But what is one to do with the answers- with the means to reach their personal all encompassing end- when they are inept with the understanding of how to use them?
I don't for a moment believe that all have been given this ability to see the truth of life and their desired ultimate goals; however I hesitate to call this a gift. At times this seeming "eternal wisdom" feels like a burden to carry. To know what you should be, and to see how beautiful like can be, before you fully possess the capacity to properly employ the necessary steps toward that illuminating future is often debilitating and all consuming in its very nature. It's like I feel too much too soon and know too much too prematurely for this to show to benefit me in any way beyond passionate bursts of verbal wisdom in the shape of outward declarations to a mind unstable.
I'm writing to you, Tess, because I cannot keep these thoughts and feelings to myself anymore. My thoughts reside within me as a knot in my conscious being. Trying to assert my time and energy toward unravelling this knot has shown to inhibit me from making any concrete progress in life, outside of my inner struggle that is my current existence.
I can see the light at the end of this tunnel I'm in. I know I will find my place in this world, and that I will fulfill every goal and dream I've set for myself, I just feel like I'm struggling with turning these dreams into reality and myself into a full adult.
I look forward to hearing back from you, and I'd also like to hear about how you've been as well.
Sincerely,
Kate
No comments:
Post a Comment